Happy Birthday JDub

A little over fifteen years ago I went with my friends to a church dance. I was happy to be wearing a new dress and hoping to dance with some cute boys. I had no idea that my life would change that night.

From my journal, September 5, 1992:

I met this guy named JDub. He is so cute! I danced with him about six times, he's really nice....Then once, when I was dancing with JDub, my friends informed me that my slip was showing, so I told him what was wrong and that I'd be right back. So, I hurried to the bathroom, pulled my slip up, told the other girls in there why I was laughing and hurried back. When I got back he was sitting there swaying and he put his arms around me and said it wasn't as much fun without me. He is cute.

I have only one excuse for the silliness of this journal entry: I was fourteen. We became good friends after that. We talked on the phone a lot because he lived an hour away from me. I had an unrelenting crush on this cute blond army brat who had spent most of his childhood in Germany. He was friendly, but entirely oblivious to my feelings for him. I was terrified whenever I was around him, even though I felt very much at home with him. (Cheesy, I know, but true.) I dated his brother. He moved back to Germany and then served an LDS mission for two years in Chile. It was during this time that we really fell in love. We were able to share parts of ourselves through letters in ways we had never been able to before. Though there were other guys I loved and dated through these years, by the time JDub came home I was certain that he was the one for me.

And he still is. He is my best friend, my home, my grounding force. We have had and continue to have our problems, but they have only helped us grow closer together. I could not be more honored and grateful to be sharing my life with this good man.

Happy birthday, sweetheart!

Just for kicks, here are a few other journal entries. 'Cause I'm masochistic like that and think you'll enjoy reading just how dramatic I used to be.

From June 20, 1994:

I can't even begin to describe it in words. I was so in love with him in that moment, and it was in that moment that I realized that I could never be without him. I mean, not physically or short term. I don't need him every waking moment, but I realized that my life could never be complete without him in it. I love him so very much.

From March 14, 1997:

Today I saw JDub for the first time in over two years. I am in complete awe. He is wonderful. I didn't realize how much I missed him unti lI was able to hug him tonight and have him in my arms. He has had such a tremendous impact on my life.... I find myself feeling awkward in the way I act toward him, but I am amazed at the peace that fills my heart just at having him near. The knowledge taht he is in the same house as I am makes me want to sing for joy.... He is the kind of person I would love to marry. Not only that, I love him. This is not the fleeting, infatuated "love" that I have often experienced. I love him and I am clear-headed. I love him and I want to be a better person.... I am not blind to the fact that he has faults, but I love him for who he is, faults and all. I like him. I don't just like parts of him or things he does. I like him.

(See what I mean? Dramatic much? It gets better.)

April 7, 1997 (The day after we were engaged.)

I am excited to share my life with JDub. I am excited to have children with him and to raise a family. I look forward to the day that we will look back on today and know that the love we feel now has been built upon and expanded through diligence, commitment to each other and faith in the Lord. I have a feeling that we do not comprehend at all what love is and I anxiously await the years of discovery that lie ahead.

Note to Heather in 1997:

You're right. You have no idea. It won't be easy. Some years it will be a fight just to stay together, let alone like each other. But I promise it will just keep getting better and that you'll love each other more than you can now imagine.

Okay. Drama off.

Love you, honey.