Saturday, February 27, 2010


A quote that has been running through my head for the past few weeks:

"... there are certain things in our nation and in the world which I am proud to be maladjusted and which I hope all men of good-will will be maladjusted until the good societies realize." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm curious. Are there things the world considers normal to which you are grateful to be maladjusted? What are they?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Messy, Messy Boy

I'm so lucky that my neighbor is also such a good friend and loves Coco so much. This is what he looked like after he crawled into her beanbag.

Her kids helped with the mess, of course, but she's technically not required to be nice to my child.

She sent me this picture shortly after it happened. I'm still laughing.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Babies (and Toddlers) Don't Keep

Coco and Peanut and I have had a marvelous morning. We've read books and snuggled and tickled and giggled and kissed and bounced and thoroughly enjoyed one another.

Meanwhile, my house is a disaster. The floor is scattered with unsorted socks and toys and paper scraps from last night's mad dash to finish science projects. The kitchen floor desperately needs a mopping. There may even be half of a soggy donut squished in the bathroom sink. But I don't want to think about that.

Housekeeping has never been one of my strengths. I'm ok with that and over the years I have developed better habits. I've gotten much better and have set and usually stuck to a standard of clean that our family is happy with.

Those standards have kind of fallen apart since Peanut joined our family. It nags at me sometimes.

But as I've played this morning with these precious, precious, sweet, wonderful, tiny boys the last two lines of a poem have been running through my head. I'm not sure who wrote it. I originally saw it on a crossstitch pattern when Kaitybean was a baby.

I hope that my child, looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm nursing my baby, and babies don't keep.

It's so true. They just don't keep. They never, never stay little long enough. Already our morning is over. Coco is out the door and across the street playing with a friend.

In an hour I will walk out the door to attend a maturation program with Kaitybean. The sweet baby I used to nurse is now on the cusp of becoming a woman. I miss her sometimes.

So, though the donut in the sink and the chocolate milk on the kitchen floor keep nagging at me, I am sitting here, loving and nursing my beautiful baby. I will miss him someday.

And the kitchen floor will still be waiting.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Just Me, My Update and $5 In Gas

A couple of weeks ago I was driving home from the temple and noticed that my gas tank was completely empty. I knew that our bank account was also dangerously close to empty. So, I stopped at the gas station and purchased $5 in gas. $5. I haven't done that since I was 19 and going to college. Of course, back then, $5 would buy me half a tank...

I got home to find all of the children in bed and I melted into JDub's arms.

$5 of gas feels like a metaphor for my life right now. I feel like I'm always doing just enough to get by. There's barely enough money to pay the bills. I'm barely keeping the laundry from exploding out the windows. I'm barely keeping enough groceries in the house to keep these ravenous and growing children fed. Barely enough. Barely enough. It's like my head is staying above water, but only just.

I told JDub this. And laughed. Our life is just so funny lately, so off track from where I thought it would be 5 years, 1 year, even 2 months ago.

Life is busy right now. We have two separate science projects going in our house. Kaitybean is dissolving jawbreakers in her bedroom. Scud is working on killing ivy in our kitchen. Each evening he and I pour a quarter cup of water, weed killer, vinegar, borax water, hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol into each respective plant. It's been interesting. Vinegar, surprisingly, had the quickest and most devastating effect. Tonight we will begin our research on each of these chemicals to figure out how and why they've had the effect they've had. A little backward, but like I said before, we're doing what we can right now.

Kaitybean has been much more independent (and scientific) with her project.

I have been filling out applications for charter schools for Mashuga. I'm not sure I'm going to send him to a different school next year. But, I want to have the option next year if it feels right. It would be more than a little insane, as it would mean having my children in three separate schools. Creating opportunities...

I've also been filling out other school applications. My own. Yes, if everything goes as planned, I will be going back to school in the fall. Given the fluctuations and uncertainties with JDub's salary and career this past year, I decided that I needed to have a degree and a career option under my belt. I could probably get a good job with the education I already have. I could even, eventually, build up my birth business to a point that it could provide a steady extra income. But, I really want to have something that I can step into, if necessary, and know that it will be steady, reliable work I enjoy with steady, reliable pay.

I've applied to both the local universities. I've already been accepted to one and need to finish a few more steps before my application is complete for the other. Then, I'll have to see which school will be a better fit for me. Either one will require me to take at least a semester and probably a full year's worth of prerequisites before I can apply for the nursing program at either school. Hopefully while I'm doing this, I can also finish off a minor in English and take the necessary classes to help me be ready to apply for the MFA in Creative Writing that I eventually want to complete.

Just thinking about it makes me tired. Of course, that could also be the staying up until midnight writing application essays.

In addition to this, we've been in and out of the doctor and the dentist for routine checkups, sickness, fillings, root canals, etc.

Mashuga has been sick off and on for weeks. Oh, and he has a tumor called an odontoma in his jaw where one of his permanent molars should have developed. It will require surgery to remove it. Surprisingly, I'm not sweating it too much. It is what it is. It can be fixed. It's not life threatening. It'll be ok.

Scud has been playing basketball and is pretty decent at it. He's learning fast. Kaitybean entered a fabulous poem in the state Junior Creative contest this week. I mailed my annual entries for the Utah State Poetry Society's contests a few weeks ago and am now pulling together my entries for national contesting.

JDub is working hard (not new), making progress with a couple of his long-term goals (memory ties, RBW purchase) and enjoying working with the 9 year old cub scouts.

See what I mean about busy???

In the end I have to just smile. Life is good and joyful. Spring is coming. Our home is a crazy, noisy, bustling and fun, happy place. I'm not wishing away these fantastic years of my life (though I do wish away the days sometimes).

And I have to remind myself of the tremendous blessing of enough.

I keep saying that we have and are and are doing barely enough. But the beautiful brilliant part of that statement is that it is, in fact, enough.

I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.

Barely enough sometimes. But it is still sufficient to keep our family happy and well and to call down blessings from a Heavenly Father who is always mindful of us.

God is good. Life is good.

Monday, February 08, 2010

Conversation With Mashuga

Mashuga: Mom, I think you're going to have another baby soon.
Me: Oh really? What makes you say that?
Mashuga(pointing to my tummy): That. See? It's getting bigger.
Me: Um, no. That's just fat. Thanks so much for pointing it out.
Mashuga(smiling): You're welcome.

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