A Blog? I Have a Blog?

Maybe I should write a little.

Though, I will warn you. My recent inability to stick to any type of subject or form a coherent post still stands.

Am I the only one who wants to put herself on voluntary bed-rest while pregnant? Maybe it's just today, but I am so, so, so tired.

A lot of things that were troubling me have kind of just melted away. Isn't funny how that happens sometimes? Time and patience and perspective just make things seem smaller and then sometimes they even just resolve on their own.

I'm still figuring out Scud. Right now I am reading The A.D.D Book by William Sears and (somebody else). It has been an enlightening and rather humorous experience. I have joked that both JDub and I have some form of ADD or ADHD. But, reading this book and the diagnostic criteria and the case studies from inside the brains of people with ADHD is just hilarious. Because it's like I'm reading a book about my own brain that also explains the behaviors of my husband and at least two of my four children. Also, I joked on facebook that I'm trying to read this book, but keep getting distracted... but it's true. Sometimes I have a hard time sticking with non-fiction books. With no plot to keep my engaged, I start thinking about a kazillion other things and sooner or later I find myself in a completely different room doing something I never really planned on doing with no idea of how I actually made it there. But, I will finish this, because it seems to have some very good options on treating ADD that I think will help Scud as well as the rest of our family. I am particularly interested in this book because it covers several non-drug options and I am VERY leery of introducing stimulant medications into my child's developing brain unless it becomes the last and best solution.

Coco is darling lately. One of my favorite Coco-isms is this:

Me: Coco, I like you. (or I love you.)
Coco: You like me? (Said in the most adorable voice you can even imagine.)
Me: Yes, I like you.
Coco: You like me LOT?

He is really coming into his little-boyhood and asks a lot of questions. "Why?" is chief among them.

He also throws gale-force temper tantrums that can last up to an hour at a time. Then, they blow away as quickly as they come and he is his sweet, happy self again. He asks for juice or a book and looks at me like he has no idea why I could possibly be so exhausted or disheveled. I'm starting to find that the principle of putting a persistently crying baby in the crib while you take a break also applies to toddlers. Some days when I just can't take it and he is completely out of control, I will put him safely in his room, shut the door and walk away for a few minutes. It makes all the difference in the world. And sometimes without me acting as a backboard to bounce his frustrations off of, he finds a way to comfort himself.

We refinanced our home. For more than the original purchase price of the home. Which seems weird, but our interest rate is significantly lower and our payment is lower and the loan is still significantly less than the appraised value of our home, so I suppose we come out on top in the end. Or at least for now.

Kaitybean is so cool. She is just a neat person to be around right now. She is incredibly opinionated right now about all kinds of things. Abortion, children's rights, animal abandonment, war, global climate change and the end of the world. I remember feeling intense like she is when I was her age. It's interesting to see how I probably came across to the adults in my life. She is also singing and playing the cello right now. I went to her orchestra concert with her last night and it was so much fun to watch her play. She gets so into it. She loved listening to the high school orchestra and getting a glimpse of what is to come if she keeps this up.

Scud and I are having lots of fun in school right now. Switching math programs has made all the difference for us. He loves Singapore and so do I. It is organized so much better and teaches concepts in a much more concrete, meaningful way than does Saxon. And it feels like we're making progress rather than being trapped in a mathematical hamster wheel.

Oh, did I mention on my blog yet that we found out we're having another boy? Yep, another boy. WOWSER! I cried the first day. But switched gears pretty quickly and I'm excited now. We already have a name picked out for him. (Unless he's born and looks more like a Homer or a Cletus.)

Well, this is enough for now. It's hardly everything going on. And not much of anything, really. But it's what I've got right now.

That and two cute two year olds just walked in my front door to play and they really ought to be supervised. Or I might be sorry.

Just Another Random Monday

I'm not really planning on doing this every Monday, but once again it is the beginning of the week and I'm needing a brain-dump. So, here goes...

• We went to IKEA today. Me, my four children, my friends Sara and Tiffany and everyone else and their dog. I guess everyone else needed a $40 dresser, too.
• Scud takes things very literally. He really doesn't get idioms sometimes. So, when we pulled into the IKEA parking lot behind about 20 other cars and I said, "Wow! Everyone and their dog is at IKEA today!" He said, "There are dogs at IKEA? People bring their dogs to IKEA?!?"
• Speaking of daughter's rooms... Kaitybean's room is almost finished. Her walls are painted a lovely shade of green. Her bed frame and nightstand and dresser are up. Things left to do: put shelves and a bar in the closet, buy a box spring, decorate and VERY judiciously allow her to bring SELECTED things back into her room. The local thrift store should be getting a sizable donation from Kaitybean this week. I'm so excited for her. It's going to be lovely.
  
• Valentine's day was busy. Good, but busy. We made rolls, frosted sugar cookies, played with grandma and grandpa, went to a crepe fete and went to a dance together. The dance was, by far, my favorite part. I wish we'd gone early in the night and caught more of it. I love dancing, especially with my sweetheart.
• I was about 30 minutes late picking my children up from smaland at IKEA today and found out that if you're 45 minutes late they have to involve the authorities, because it is considered child abandonment. Eeek! I was SO embarassed. I thought that they buzzed your pager right when it was time to pick up kiddos, so as soon as they buzzed me I meandered back over there. I thought I was 5 minutes late, at the most. Turns out they only buzz you if you're really late. Like I said, embarassed, wanted the floor to swallow me right there (but then I would have been REALLLY late and they really would have called the cops and charged me with child abandonment). Gotta love those dumb mommy moments. Next time I'll remember to bring my phone in (I left mine in the car.) and set my own alarm.
• I went visiting teaching today. All in all it was good. Except at one place we got talking about birth and politics. Which was not so good. I never seem to agree with anyone completely (I'm too good at seeing both sides.) and I never seem to be able to get away from those conversations without feeling disingenous, inadequate and frustrated. I can't seem to be true to myself or to make it clear how sincerely I trust and respect and support others' choices and beliefs.
• Which brings me to another thing. Sometimes it gets lonely in the center. I get so sick of the polarization I see all around me. I need to write a whole blog post just about this.
• JDub is sleeping in the living room right now.
• We saw some of our favorite people this weekend, some we have not seen for a very long time. It was good. One of them was JDub's best friend from high school.
  
• During this pregnancy I have been craving beans. Black beans, refried beans, pinto beans, kidney beans. Yum! And yogurt. And kefir (though isn't that basically the same as yogurt?). And apples with cheese. I think I'm hungry right now.
  
• I have poetry group this week. And no poetry to share. At least nothing new.
• I wish there were still new episodes of the classic muppet show airing on TV. We borrowed a disc from the library and have just loved it.
• Beetlejuice is a weird movie.
• I am lucky to have my body, my family, my home, my problems, my life. This has been brought home to me so many times in the last little while.
  
• Also, I've been reminded that happiness and joy come entirely from within. They can coexist with ANY given situation and have nothing to do with what is happening outside of me. That doesn't mean it's not okay to be sad, angry, hurt or upset. Those emotions have their place and are always worth feeling fully and learning from. But joy is always there, just underneath. If I allow it to be.
  
• JDub took a 12% pay cut this week. I am grateful he still has a job.
  
• Mashuga just woke up and started sleep walking.
• It's midnight and 6 am is gonna come early tomorrow. Time to wrap up and say good night.

Good night!

Random Thoughts For a Random Monday

Malt O Meal: Coco is eating Malt O Meal this morning for breakfast. As we speak he is making a huge mess. He loves it, but it's not so easy for toddlers to eat. He refused to wear a bib, to boot. He is wearing his last clean shirt.

Laundry: So, today is a laundry day. I'm WAAAAAAYYY behind. After a few weeks of diligent one-load-a-day days, I'm regressing to my old, wash and fold laundry all day ways.

Math: Before we started with the folding, Scud and I started on some math. As happened when I homeschooled Kaitybean, the frustration with Saxon Math has come. Perhaps it was inevitable. The circular structure of it makes the kids (and me) feel like we're doing a TON of math without actually getting anywhere. It's like running on a hamster wheel. So, we're going to try some new things -- math games only for drilling math facts, Singapore Math for general math instruction. Later this week or next we'll do a placement test to see where Scud actually needs to be in Singapore, but for now I just dug an old 1st/2nd grade book out of the book box. From what I've seen from just the few pages he's done, this has already restored a bit of his confidence and sense that math can be fun.

Asperger's Syndrome: Because my oh-so-clever-and-charmingly-irreverent sister has gotten both JDub and I to the point that we can't say "Our son might have Asperger's." without laughing raucously at the juvenile humor surrounding the pronunciation of "Asperger's" we have now taken to calling it AS in our home. (And kudos to you if you actually finished that ridiculous run-on sentence with some sense of what I was trying to say.) We are currently working with the school psychologist to screen Scud for AS and other possibilities. He is a sweet, funny, wonderful child. He's also quirky and awkward and I'm finally starting to wonder if my constant feeling of NEVER being able to get it right with this child has something to it. Perhaps he has needs I don't understand and don't have the resources to meet. We shall see what comes of this. It could be any number of things, or nothing, but AS is what seems most likely at this point.

Floss: Last week, when I bought the 100 meter tube of my favorite floss, I thought "What's the point? Coco is just going to find it and pull out at least half of it anyway." Sure enough. A few days later I found him with at least 25 meters of floss wound all around his body and his bedroom. Some days I hate being right.

Facebook: I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love the ability to quickly see what so many people are up to and to re-connect with lots of people at once. But I also really dislike the illusion of actual friendship that it gives. There are days that it feels (to borrow a friend's phrase) about as sincere as the signing of high school yearbooks. And other days that I feel very connected to people only to realize that I haven't actually talked to any of them in person for years and have no solid plans for doing so in the future. Sort of weird, no?

Friendship: Then there's the whole feeling I have lately that I think I'm sort of impaired when it comes to the friendship thing. I've felt rather lonely lately. It's not that I don't have people who care about me or that I am at all isolated. It's just that I make friendship more difficult that it should be and, therefore, usually only allow myself to reach a certain point in relationships with most people. It can be hard to sort and resolve my many feelings regarding friendships: My Anne Shirley desire for a bosom friend and nothing less, My deep need for space and alone time, My ridiculous fear of phones and making phone calls, My lack of patience for the "shallow, boring stuff" at the onset of a friendship... I could go on, but chances are that you already think I'm a nutcase. Then, there's the fact that I haven't put the time into maintaining relationships with some of the wonderful women I have felt very close to in the past (You probably know who you are. Sorry I'm a dork.) On the positive side, I have my best girlfriend in my sister who is always patient with me and always loves me and also calls me out when I'm being stupid. I don't want to sound ungrateful just because I'm feeling odd about other friendships.

Government Spending: I can't help but feel a bit (okay, very) uneasy about the runaway spending in which the government is currently engaging. Honestly, how long could your family survive financially if you continued to spend more and more and more money that you didn't have? I'm no economist, but I think that the American family has to be somewhat of a microcosm of the government. The enduring principles of thrift, staying out of debt, living within means seem like they should apply to governments every bit as much as to individuals. To paraphrase Dave Ramsey, you can't get out of a hole by digging in deeper. I can't seem to muster a lot of hope for the current stimulus package or the massive government bailouts of the past year.

Food Storage: I think our family could live for about 2-3 months on what we have stored. Not perfect, but it's something. And we're working on more. Jessica, I need to call you and ask you some questions about your system for storing and rotating food. The way you do things always seems to make sense to me.

Sleep: I fell asleep in my dress last night. Putting Coco to sleep has gotten increasing difficult lately. And my tired, pregnant body usually just goes to sleep with him. Don't get me wrong, the sleep has been nice. But I usually wake up at 1am disappointed because I missed what little alone time JDub and I get.

Baby: This pregnancy is still surreal to me. I think I felt our little plum move yesterday. We'll see if it continues. But, I love this part. I love when I start feeling them move regularly and they become very real beings. So, I am 13 weeks today. Out of the first trimester, placenta likely fully functioning and starting to build hope that we will actually have a baby in August. I have not struggled with loss or infertility in ways that friends and family have, but I have had enough of a taste that I am a bit apprehensive and probably will continue to be. It also makes every moment of this experience just miraculous for me. Even if I only get to carry this baby for 13 weeks, that 13 weeks will have been a blessing. On another note, JDub calls her Alex. I like the name Alex but like other names better: Milly, Samantha, Claire. We shall see. Of course, she could be a boy.

Birth Dreams: Which leads to this. I had my first birth dream last night. I was all alone with my midwife (who was not the actual midwife I have hired, but a midwife that attended the majority of Coco's birth) and very calm and comfortable. Pushing was fast and easy (something I am really hoping for after the less-than-ideal experience of pushing out an asynclitic babe). And guess what, the baby was a BOY! All in all, it was a good dream though. JDub showed up just as baby was crowning. Nobody else was there. I'm starting to think that may be a good thing for me and am even considering (*gasp*) not hiring a doula this time around. Time will tell.

Xylitol and GSE and Nasal Irrigation: Oh my! I am currently experimenting with nasal irrigation as a way of dealing with the recurrent sinus infections I usually experience during pregnancy. I was finding some comfort and lessening of symptoms with simple irrigation with a saline solution. But, after some research into studies done regarding the antibacterial and antimicrobial properties of both Xylitol and Grapefruit Seed Extract, I have begun to add those to my recipe. I'm not completely clear yet (and the studies all stated that Xylitol and GSE have greater success in preventing sinusitis than clearing existing sinusitis) but I am feeling much better. I am breathing more clearly, having fewer headaches. I wanted to be all scientific about it and record my symptoms and their severity for several days, then record them again after beginning the regimen of nasal irrigation. But, I decided I just didn't have the patience or ambition to do it. But, I'll continue to give you my purely anecdotal feelings on the matter. So far, so good. And I feel much better about attacking the problem directly (with fewer risk of side-effects) than by taking a systemic anitbiotic that is almost sure to end in a yeast infection and other possible side-effects. And if this little experiment doesn't work, I can always hit the doctor up for a z-pack.

Valentine's Day: JDub always out-does me in the gift-giving department. I really want to do something cool for him this year. Any ideas?

Have a good week!