Thursday, March 01, 2007

Sometimes the answer is losing weight.

And sometimes it's best to just take a deep breath, be gentle with oneself and buy bigger clothes.

I've decided that, for me, right now, the latter is the answer.

I had a horrendous morning last Friday. I went clothes shopping for the first time since Coco was born. Ooooh boy.

It turns out that I'm a much larger small person than I thought I was.

I chose several pairs of pants and several shirts and then headed to the dressing room with Jack and Mashuga in tow. They were reasonably well behaved as I tried on pants that I couldn't zip up and shirts that showed curves that I'm not exactly willing to admit to the world that I have.

"Wait," i told myself. "When I looked at these on the hangers they looked like they were about the same size as me."

Turns out I have proportion perception problems.

So we had to repeat the process.

And my little boys, particularly Mashuga, were not so happy about it.

But I did get a good opportunity to streak in our local Target. As I was nursing Jack in the dressing room with my top off, Mashuga decided to climb under the door and head out for adventure. So I quickly put Jack in his carseat and ran, unthinking, after my escapee. With half of my bra undone and my breast completely exposed. Cool, huh?

Luckily he didn't make it out of the women's dressing room. So my exposure was limited.

Unluckily, there was a man standing outside one of the dressing room doors, giving his wife more bras to try on. Maybe he tried to talk her into getting the kind that only cover one breast.

I don't know. I left shortly after that. I bought myself a nice pair of pants. They're a beautiful brown. Soft, sueded khaki. They're insanely comfortable. And they're the first pair of pants I've ever purchased with a W at the end of the size. (I know, boohoo, poor me.)

On my way home, I consoled myself with half a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs (CHOCOLATE!). I don't mean a small bag. Good solution, eh?

All joking aside, though, I feel grateful. Grateful for my body that grew and birthed four beautiful babies. Grateful that Jack is thriving and growing from the good milk my body is making. Grateful for a mother that taught me that inner beauty is what matters most of all and that I should never determine my worth or anyone else's by the outer package. Grateful that she taught that by example.

So, like I said, I'm taking a deep breath. I'm loving myself. I'm letting go.

Because right now my baby, my spirit and my Cadbury Mini Eggs are much more important to me than my skinny jeans.


Kim said...

AMEN Sister! I just ate a bag of the DARK CHOCOLATE Cadbury Eggs. They have them at Rite Aid. YUMMY!

brightonwoman said...

And if you ever wondered about the fat content of mothers milk, well, just put a little in the fridge and watch the cream separate! Makes me feel proud every time I do it!