Friday, September 14, 2007

It's Been a While

So, thought I'd better post something.

I tend to wait for something really phenomenal or inspiring or funny or heartbreaking to write about. But sometimes, real life is just phenomenal in all its mundane normal-ness. Don't you think?

So, this week I got to hang out with a bunch of friends while we canned peaches. LOTS of peaches. And peach pie filling and peach raspberry jam. I'm salivating just thinking of the peach raspberry jam. Yum.

These ladies are some of the most amazing, wonderful people I know. So, it was great to be with them.

Then, we've had dance and soccer and football.

Mashuga was the VIP in his preschool yesterday, which was a lot of fun.

Today we're driving to my hometown after school. I miss my parents and wanted to see them. Also, my wonderful dad is going to fix my car for me. And I may get a haircut. And I mean a haircut with a capital H. It's all got to go. This long hair is just too high maintenance for me right now.

Things are improving on the school-front, though I still feel like I need to talk to Scud's teacher about finding ways to challenge him more. And I need to meet with the school's curriculum director to see if she still has need of my services. But better, definitely. Sometimes time is just all it takes.

Also, my dear friend Kristin gave me the most comforting and helpful advice of all. Remember that there is no perfect solution, she said. I felt immediately better after that, suddenly relieved and off the hook. I don't need to find the perfect school situation for my children. That there are problems does not signal that I am making a wrong choice, or that I am a bad parent or that Scud has a bad teacher or any other of the multitudinous stories I'd been bombarding myself with. It simply means that there are challenges -- obstacles that we can and will overcome.

Also, JDub's work situation (and I realize that I haven't said a lot about it lately, just trust me, it's a mess) is improving somewhat. I'm not holding out hope that he can stay at this job for much longer (nor do I want him to), but there have been a few minor and hopeful improvements. For one, he and his boss negotiated a significant (and long overdue) pay raise. They also readjusted his base vs. commission ratio, which I've been saying for a long time was a needed change. But, I don't want to be negative about this. I am grateful that JDub has a job and is a good provider and has learned and grown so much through this opportunity. No matter what the difficulties, we are not coming out on the losing end and I am terribly grateful for what we have. Just ready for things to be a bit more sane for him.

Moving on...

You know how it feels when you're jumping on a trampoline with someone bigger than you and they jump so hard that it sends you flying into the air? You didn't jump of your own volition, so you're not entirely prepared to be in the air. And you're not sure exactly how and where you're going to land.

That's how I've felt for weeks. My life is a buzz of transformation lately. I am no longer the person I was, but I've no idea who I will be, who and where our family will be in the near future.

So, I've been overwhelmed by that panic, that feeling of insecurity and nothingness, nowhereness that comes in the moment between leaping and finding a place to land. I'm eager to move along, but also trying to trust and enjoy the here and now. I'm trying to savor the deliciousness of a future pregnant with possibility.

So, I'll leave you there. I'll probably do a drawing this weekend for this post. Be sure to comment on it if you'd like to be included.

Love to all. I hope you have a fantabulous weekend.


Emily said...

glad that things are looking up. even if the situation isn't better -- it sounds like your attitude and emotional state is improving. i'm so glad. :)

Edge said...

movin' to the country
gonna eat a lot of peaches