Wednesday, May 03, 2006

How to Launch From Good to Great

This morning I got a message in my inbox from Lori Prokop. Who Lori Prokop is, I have no idea. But she says that fear of failure can "cause you to freeze and create the situation you fear, even causing failure to thrive." So surprising. I haven't gotten to the part yet where she says what to do about it. I may read it later when I'm not 1. Writing on my blog or 2. Needing to wake Kaitybean so that she can get ready for school.

So, I've been feeling like a big, fat failure lately. Do you ever have those moments in your life when you just feel like you're screwing EVERYTHING up? Or at least not doing justice to much of anything?

Well, I've felt that way today. Case in point. I am teaching a workshop tomorrow at Babies R Us on Mindful Prenatal Nutrition. It really will be a good, quality workshop. We'll be talking about the importance of paying attention when we're eating, so that we can be more satisfied with our food and make food choices that will promote health and well-being. I really feel that if we take the time to consider whether or not a certain food feels good in our body, what benefits we're deriving from it and where it comes from, we begin to make better choices for ourselves. Not out of guilt or by following food lists, but because we're taking the time to listen to our bodies and take care of ourselves. And as we take the time to pay attention and enjoy each bite, we feel satisfied sooner and actually enjoy the experience of eating more. I've really begun trying to be more mindful as I eat and it's been a marvelous experience. I'm excited to share it with others. So, what's the big deal? Well, I haven't advertised. At all. They advertise it at the store, but I was planning on taking flyers around to some care providers' offices and haven't. I made beautiful flyers, but they're all here sitting on my desk. WAH! It hardly seems worthwhile to take them around today.

And I had an interview with a potential doula client last week. She hasn't called me back, so I'm assuming she hired someone else. And I think I might know why. We were talking about who I would have as backup doulas in case I couldn't be there. I told her that one of my backups would probably be a certain other doula who I've actually never met or called or asked if she would be willing to do that. I'm pretty sure she would have been, but I hadn't yet taken the time to call her. And I slacked off and didn't talk to her immediately after my interview, as I had planned. I actually still haven't called her. Well, the problem is, this other woman was on the potential client's list of doulas to interview. She probably brought up my name and the other doula said "Heather who? I don't know her. We haven't talked about doing backup for each other." Dumb, dumb, dumb. And I feel awful. I wasn't intentionally deceptive. But I should have been more up front and just said, "I'm still working out a backup plan. I'm planning to call so and so to see if she'll be able to do backup for me." Now, I'm just stewing because I really adored this couple during our interview and want so badly for her to have a good experience. And I don't want her to think that I meant to lie to her or deceive her. I'm trying to decide whether or not to call and clear things up, not becuase I'm hoping she'll still hire me, but because I just want her to feel comfortable and apologize for any distress my lack of clarity has caused her. And I want to know that she's being taken care of by a good doula. Would you want me to call?

Then, there's visiting teaching. I've been the world's worst visiting teacher lately. For those who aren't Mormon, I'll explain a bit more. As a visiting teacher, it is my job to pay a monthly visit to three women in our congregation. And more than that, I'm in charge of making sure they and their families are doing okay. It's my job to care for them and do what I can to help them if they need it. It's a pretty good program. We're all watching out for one another. But, I haven't even been making the monthly visits, let alone taking the time to really be concerned about and try to take care of these women. And I want to be, but I'm just not making it.

So, I'm sorry for complaining, sorry for being down on myself. The truth is, I'm a really good person. I care deeply about others. I'm generally very kind and compassionate. There are a lot of things that I do well. But, I know I need to be doing better. My caring deeply about others often gets lost in my inability to express that to them. And all of my good intentions seem to be lost in my disorganized life and home. They don't seem to be making it out the front door like I want them to.

So, my question is this. What things do you do to help yourself stay organized and committed? How do you translate your good intentions into actions? I know I need to be doing better than I am.


Emily said...

heather, i'm so sorry you're feeling down on yourself. don't let those feelings consume you! focus on who you REALLY are and where you're going, instead of any perceived mistakes. no one is perfect! (seriously, this is true) :)

Edge said...

Take them today! One thing--do just one thing today! Don't worry about yesterday, or if you did it right or wrong. Just say, I'm doing this today! (or tomorrow, heh)


PS I checked and everything is as I hoped it would be