Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Monthly Letter to Kaitybean - May

My sweet, darling daughter,

I'm still tingling from the long, tender hug you gave me this morning before dashing out onto the playground at school. And from watching you run to your friends, stopping every three yards to wave or blow a kiss at me. I can't help but marvel at the tremendous love and sweetness you've brought me every day of the last eight years.

I remember so vividly the day you were born. You were tiny and beautiful and perfect. Never again has my soul opened, my heart expanded and my whole being flooded with love as it did the moment I saw you, my first child. I had no idea that I could love that much and my capacity for love has only grown as your brothers were born and as I've spent hours loving and enjoying each of you.

What an amazing person you are, my Kaitybean. You are one of the most passionate, kind and thoughtful people I know. You are so mindful of others and their needs. You like nearly everyone you meet and are so willing and able to make them feel comfortable and important.

I was so proud when you came home from school on Friday. You had a book of messages from your classmates that said why each of them liked you. Nearly everyone mentioned that you are kind to them. Others wrote that you are helpful, that you respect others and that you are always there for them. What mother wouldn't be delighted with such words of prasie from her daughter's peers?

I am in constant awe at the dignified, loving and peaceful spirit you often carry with you. I have tried your entire life to teach and remind you that you are a daughter of God. But you are the one who teaches me daily of this truth. The light in your eyes. Your earnest seeking for truth and desire to choose the right. Your humble, fervent prayers. So often I see that spark of divinity within you and I am reminded of how recently you left the arms of our Heavenly Father. How humbling it is. I should be teaching you, but you are the one who is always able to remind

of who

You will be baptized a member of our church soon. I have been throughly impressed with how seriously you are taking this step. you now that you will be making important promises to God and you have often talked to me about wanting to feel ready to make those promises. You've told me that you don't want to make any promises you aren't ready and willing to keep. How wise you are. How many adults have taken a similar step with much less thought and commitment? You came to me recently to tell me how good you feel about being baptized. You said that you're feeling prepared and that you know Heavenly Father will always help you to do what he asks of you. Thank you, dear. Thank you for teaching me again.

Thank you for being patient with me, most of the time. It can be hard being the oldest child. I know. I was an oldest child, too, and sometimes you really feel like you're the "test case". And I'm sure it hasn't helped that I have still had so much "growing into myself" to do since you were born. I was so young then and thought I knew who I was. But here I am, eight years later and I still haven't gotten it quite figured out. But, you are truly patient and infinitely, immediately forgiving.

I can't believe how you are growing. I have been enjoying you so much lately. You're just such good company. You're fun to talk to, fun to be with. I loved riding the "REALLY BIG LOOP DE LOOP" roller coaster with you at Disneyland last month. What a fun Mommy/Daughter date that was. You were so brave and we had so much fun together. First, running like fools to get there before it closed, then holding hands as we walked back to meet Dad and the boys. Thanks for sharing that with me.

Mostly, my sweetheart, thank you for sharing YOU with me. Being your mother is an honor and a delight. We butt heads sometimes, but you make me think and you make me grow. Thanks for loving me so fiercely and unconditionally. I am so lucky to have you in my life. You're growing up and I feel you growing farther and farther away from me. You are so independent, so capable and so smart. You're needing me less and less. The wonder I feel is that, as you grow, you are also able to recognize how much I love and need you. You still want me around and you're starting to understand that when I hold on (like when I insist on walking you to the bus stop) it's not so much that I don't trust you. It's just that I enjoy your company. And you humor me.

I'm excited for the walks we have left together. I hate to think of how fast these eight years have flown by and to know how fast the next eight will slip through my fingers. You will have so many dreams to fulfill, so many places to go, so many new friends to make. But, please never forget your first friend. Know that as you grow through changes and challenges that you can always depend upon your mother's love for you.

Loving You Always,

1 comment:

Cheerio's on my butt? said...

That was soo sweet. I loved the pics too! Pretty.